I feel like dating has gotten so complicated
Not that I’m old or anything, but there was a time when you saw someone at the club or out in gay spaces, walked over to him, asked his number. Probably jotted it on a napkin, and you pursued happiness. Now, as this experience would have it, men get to see you, build a narrative around who you are and how you carry yourself, then react to, ghost, or deny that guy.
If you’ve been rejected, congratulations, you wanted something and it didn’t happen. But you’re still here. Guess you’re a lot stronger than you thought.
He told me I’m not masc enough
I really thought I was over this particular rejection. He was bold enough to tell me, in no uncertain terms, that I just wasn’t his type. That level of clarity comes only two real options, (1) heed what he said and move on, or (2) commiserate. I opted for the latter option until I saw his new boo.
Years later, he strolls into a local gay/affirming spot that we both frequent and his man is less butch and more queen of a butch queen than I am—or at least that’s what my ego let me believe.
Lessons come to show us ourselves
It’s easy to say we’re healed from something when that trigger never shows its ugly head. There is a totally different emotional muscle system at play when the trigger waves from across the room, navigates through a crowded club so it can hug you and ask you how you’ve been.
If I say Black love is beautiful; if I believe that being Black gay men and loving Black gay men is dope, then why can’t I get over this. Why can’t I heal? Why can’t I honor their relationship just as I would want them to appreciate and affirm mine—should one arise.
That’s when I got the lesson.
Dear Black Gay Men Podcast is new this season with a whole list of guests that I’m excited to talk to in The Backroom. Our live show returns Thursday, January 30, at 8pm Eastern. Subscribe on YouTube or join our YouTube channel to support what we do at Dear Black Gay Men
By joining, you’ll get
Exclusive content like behind the scenes footage and special interviews
Members-only access to Dear Black Gay Men merch and events
Support queer stories on the DBGM platform.
Share this post