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Nervous About Asking Someone Out? You're Not Alone!
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Nervous About Asking Someone Out? You're Not Alone!

I'd probably be months farther along in this dating situation if I'd followed my own advice.

Dating has gotten way too complicated, but…

It’s not the dating. It’s me. Underneath all the fluff, and heartache, and trauma all of us have endured, we all want the same thing: to be desired, to be wanted, and to be loved. Dating is the pathway each of us has to walk to fulfill that desire—the process of figuring out who we are and sharing it with someone special.

But what we tell ourselves about the process is what’s stopping us. No, the dating pool is not trash, even though you told yourself that. No, dating is not hard, even though you may not have been successful at it in the past. And yes, love is possible if you open yourself up to having and cultivating it in your life with someone.

I got tongue tied with a particular person.


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He’s fine and chocolate. Thick and juicy. God fearing and employed. It’s clear why I was nervous. He’s an 11 out of 10. But I was too paralyzed to ask him out until I had one big aha: what’s the worst that could happen.

When you’re thinking of asking a guy out, there’s only one of two options:

  1. He says yes. You plan a beautiful date and get one step further along your journey to happiness, or

  2. He says no. You deepen your courage and vulnerability and get one step further along your journey to happiness.

What you want is always just on the other side of what you’re unwilling to do.

The second you make the jump is the second you step out of fear and step into the best time of your Black gay life.


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